When Motherhood Doesn’t Go as Planned: A Conversation with Margo Fordonski
Dec 01, 2025
Every mom pictures what raising a teenage boy will look like. You imagine the closeness, the laughs, the late-night talks… your version of how it “should” be.
And then?
Reality walks in with muddy shoes and a mood swing. Or silence. Or slammed doors. Or choices you never saw coming.
And suddenly there’s this ache, this heavy, confusing sorrow for what you imagined and what you’re actually living. That ache has a name: non-death grief.
Most moms feel it. Almost none talk about it.
What Is Non-Death Grief in Motherhood?
Grief isn’t just about losing a person. It's the natural human response to losing a dream, expectation, season of life, or sense of identity.
In motherhood, that looks like:
• Your teen making choices you hoped he wouldn’t
• Realizing connection is harder now
• Missing the little boy he used to be
• Facing the “lasts” of his senior year
• Feeling him pull away… even when he stays in the same room
None of this means you’ve failed. It means you’re human.
Why Moms Turn on Themselves
When something feels off with our son, our first instinct is often:
“What did I do wrong?”
And when we believe it’s our fault, we start trying to fix, control, or push him into different behavior, not because we’re controlling, but because we’re scared.
But boys read this as:
“Mom is disappointed in me.”
And nothing shuts a teenage boy down faster.
The Path Back to Your Son
Margo shared a beautiful visual:
Imagine a path between you and your son. Your job is to keep that path clear no snowdrifts, no fences, no emotional debris.
Connection before correction. Always.
Here’s how to clear the path again:
1. Name What You’re Grieving
Write down:
• What you thought this season would look like
• What you feel you’ve “lost”
• What hurts right now
Naming it brings relief. Shame dissolves in honesty.
2. Reset Expectations for This Season
Your son at 15 is not your son at 10. The way you connected then isn’t the way you’ll connect now.
His brain, body, emotions, and identity are all in motion.
Ask:
“What does connection look like for us right now not five years ago?”
3. Look for the Nonverbal Connection
Sometimes boys connect with presence, not words.
If he:
• stays in the room when you walk in
• lets you sit beside him
• lets you scratch his back
• quietly rides with you in the car
That’s connection. That’s your path. Hold onto it.
4. Invite, Don’t Pressure
Connection grows in low-pressure moments:
• A drive-thru treat after school
• Sitting by him while he plays Xbox
• Watching a show together
• Catching him doing something right and saying so
It’s not about grand gestures it’s about presence without expectation.
5. Think Five Years Ahead
This perspective is gold.
Five years from now, how do you want to remember this season?
• That you were available
• That he always knew you loved him
• That you believed in his potential, even when he didn’t yet
• That you kept the path clear
Let your future self guide your choices today.
Remember,
You’re doing better than you think.
Your grief is not failure.
Your son doesn’t need you to be perfect he needs you to be present.
Want more conversations like this?
Join our private Facebook community for moms raising teenage boys. We talk about real-life challenges, share strategies, and lift each other up—because you don’t have to do this alone.
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For Additional Support:
Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE
Schedule a FREE Relationship Reconnection Call with Me HERE
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Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE
Guest Bio and FREE Gift:
Margo Fordonski is a Master Certified Life Coach, Certified Grief Educator, and a twice-bereaved parent. After losing both of her children—most recently her son Andrew, who lived with brain cancer for 24 years—Margo has walked the long, complex path of grief firsthand. Her personal journey led her to a powerful calling: to support other mothers navigating life after the unthinkable.
Margo helps grieving moms find peace, resilience, and renewed hope—not by “moving on,” but by learning how to carry their grief with love. Her 1:1 coaching approach is deeply personalized, meeting each mother where she is with compassionate guidance and tools that support nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and holistic healing. She guides her clients in healing at their own pace, rediscovering who they are now, and gently rebuilding a life that honors both their child and their continued growth.
Her work is trauma-informed, heart-led, and rooted in the belief that grief is not something to fix—it’s something to tend to with care, courage, and support. Through her coaching, writing, and lived witness, Margo offers a safe and understanding space for grieving moms to feel less overwhelmed, more connected to themselves, and begin to rebuild a life that holds both sorrow and joy
Make sure to grab Margo's FREE Holiday Grief Support Guide HERE
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