5 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship with Your Teenage Son; and What To Do Instead
Oct 22, 2024
5 Surprising Ways Moms Sabotage Their Relationship with Their Teenage Son (And What to Do Instead)
Are You Unknowingly Driving a Wedge Between You and Your Teen?
You want to be close with your son. But lately, it feels like you’re the only one doing the work. He grunts instead of talking. He slams the door instead of listening. You’re walking on eggshells trying not to make things worse and wondering when it all got so hard.
If you’re feeling disconnected from your teenage son, you are not alone.
The good news? There are five very common parenting mistakes moms make completely unintentionally that can hurt the relationship. And when you know what to look for, you can change everything.
This blog post will help you:
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Understand why your son might be pulling away
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Build a stronger, more connected relationship
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Stay calm, confident, and in control (even when he’s not)
Let’s dive in.
1. Focusing More on What He’s Doing Wrong Than What He’s Doing Right
Let’s be honest. It’s easy to zero in on everything that needs fixing grades, chores, screen time, attitude. But constantly pointing out the negatives makes him defensive and shuts down connection.
Quick Fix:
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Lead with what he is doing well.
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Example: “Hey, the lawn looks great! Just make sure to edge this side next time.”
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Start the conversation with praise, then follow up with the correction.
Even if it takes some effort, find something redeeming to lead with. It makes all the difference.
2. Criticizing Him in Public
Nothing kills a teenage boy’s confidence faster than being corrected or embarrassed in front of others especially friends or siblings.
Do This Instead:
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Follow the golden rule: Public praise, private correction.
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If he messes up, pull him aside. Teach, don’t shame.
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Remember: He’s still learning. When you correct with respect, he listens better and trusts more.
3. Letting Him Do Whatever He Wants
This one feels loving, but it’s actually harmful.
When moms try to protect the relationship by avoiding rules or consequences, teenage boys feel unanchored. They might say they love the freedom, but deep down, it creates anxiety and uncertainty.
Parenting Truth:
Boundaries = Love.
Your son needs structure, even if he acts like he doesn’t.
Try This:
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Set clear expectations.
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Communicate natural consequences.
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Stay consistent, even when it’s hard.
When you lead with calm confidence, he learns how to do the same.
4. Comparing Him to Others
“Why can’t you be more like your brother?”
“Look how well Jake is doing in math.”
We’ve all said (or at least thought) something like this. But comparison crushes connection.
Why It Doesn’t Work:
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It reinforces the lie that he’s not good enough.
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It shuts down communication.
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It creates resentment.
What to Do Instead:
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Celebrate your son’s personal growth and unique strengths.
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Acknowledge that every teen matures at their own pace.
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Keep the focus on his progress not someone else’s.
5. Micromanaging Everything
We do it because we care. But when we control every part of his schedule, decisions, and social life, we don’t leave room for growth.
He starts to feel like we don’t trust him. And when 18 rolls around and he’s suddenly expected to manage life on his own? It’s a recipe for disaster.
Let’s Use the Horse Training Analogy:
When training a horse, you start with tight reins. As trust builds, you loosen them. If the horse struggles, you tighten temporarily but always with the goal of loosening again.
Do This Instead:
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Give him age-appropriate responsibilities.
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Let him make decisions (and mistakes).
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Guide and support without taking over.
You’re not raising a boy to control you’re raising a man who can lead himself.
Action Steps to Reconnect with Your Son Today
Here’s what you can start doing now:
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Pause before speaking. Lead with what’s working.
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Correct privately, not publicly.
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Set clear rules. Stick to them with love.
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Celebrate his wins, big and small.
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Give him room to grow. Loosen the reins then tighten when needed.
Want Support from Moms Who Get It?
Parenting a teenage boy can feel isolating but you don’t have to do it alone.
👉 Join my free private Facebook group just for moms raising teenage boys
Get support, ask questions, share wins, and get expert tools to build a stronger relationship with your son.
Click here to join the group now
Remember,
You’re not just raising a teenage boy.
You’re building a man.
That kind of work doesn’t always come with instant appreciation but it matters more than you know.
You’re going to mess up. So will he. But awareness is where real change starts.
Keep showing up. Keep adjusting. Keep loving him, even when it’s hard.
And above all trust yourself.
You’ve got this.
Additional Support:
Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE
Schedule a FREE Relationship Reconnection Call with Me HERE
Follow us on Instagram HERE
Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE
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