What Three Holiday Disasters Taught Me About Connecting With My Teenage Son.
Dec 22, 2025
If you’re a mom of a teenage boy, you know the holidays don’t look like the movies. They look like noise, mess, last-minute everything, and someone always breaking something. One year, for me, it was the Christmas tree literally snapped in half by my son.
I wanted to lose it. Instead, I walked away, took a breath, and asked myself the question that changed everything:
“Am I picking the boy or the thing?”
Ten minutes later, we proudly had…
The Christmas Bush.
And today, it’s one of our favorite family stories.
What Really Matters for Moms Raising Teenage Boys
We spend so much energy trying to hold everything together the gifts, the food, the schedules, the traditions. But our boys remember something entirely different.
They remember how we made them feel.
Not whether the wrapping matched.
Not whether the meals were homemade.
The Pink Eye Christmas: A Lesson in Presence
Another year, I tried so hard to make the “perfect gift” that I missed the entire holiday quarantined with pink eye… twice. I was exhausted and absent, all in the name of being “productive.”
Our boys don’t want perfection.
They want us.
Messy, pajama-wearing, tired, laughing us.
The Rage-Clean Christmas Eve (and Why It Never Works)
Picture this: Christmas Eve, and I decide now is the time for a spotless house. My boys? Deep in a three-hour game of Risk. I nagged. I resented. And by the time we left the house, everyone was irritated.
Not one of my boys has ever said,
“Mom, my favorite part of Christmas was the clean house.”
Not once.
What they remember is playing games, laughing, relaxing, and being together.
Three Questions Every Boy Mom Needs This Holiday Season
Tape these to the fridge. Tattoo them on your brain. Whisper them when you feel the pressure rising.
1. Am I picking the person or the thing?
The broken ornament, messy table, or imperfect gift will be forgotten. The way you treated your son will not.
2. Am I being present or busy being productive?
Productivity has its place. But not at the cost of connection.
3. Will this make a memory?
If yes do it.
If no let it go.
Your future self (and your future grown son) will thank you.
Actions You Can Take Today
Here are simple, doable, mom-to-mom steps:
-
Say yes to one thing your son loves even if it’s messy or inconvenient.
-
Lower the bar on three holiday tasks. Paper plates count. Store-bought pies count.
-
Walk away before reacting and choose connection intentionally.
-
Cancel one thing that’s stealing your peace.
-
Spend 10 minutes today just being with your boy no agenda.
Want more conversations like this?
Join our private Facebook community for moms raising teenage boys. We talk about real-life challenges, share strategies, and lift each other up—because you don’t have to do this alone.
👉 Join “Raising Boys, Building Men” on Facebook
For Additional Support:
Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE
Schedule a FREE Relationship Reconnection Call with Me HERE
Follow us on Instagram HERE
Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE
Related Episodes You Might Enjoy:
Stop Blaming Yourself for Your Son's Bad Behavior (It's Not Your Fault)
The Quiet Sadness of Motherhood: Grieving Your Little Boy While Loving Your Teenager
