If one more person had told me I “just needed more self-care,” I might’ve thrown something.
You know that feeling?

You’re running carpools, keeping everyone fed, holding a marriage together, and trying not to lose your mind… and people tell you to the answer to feeling lost is more "self care".  

There was a day with five boys, a 14-year-old and a baby, post-cancer, exhausted when I burst into tears in the car because I couldn’t even choose a restaurant. I didn’t know what I liked anymore.

I wasn’t tired.
I was gone.

And the more people preached “self-care,” the worse I felt.

That moment became the turning point.
Because I learned something that changed everything:

Self-care wasn’t the solution.
Self-awareness was.

Why “Self-Care” Isn’t What You Think It Is

Traditional self-care usually means:
• time away
• money spent
• someone else stepping in

That’s great when it’s possible. But for most boy moms?
It’s not reality.

And honestly it can feel like one more thing you’re failing at.

Self-awareness, though?
That’s free. It’s doable.
And it actually reduces stress and increases resilience, especially in parenting (yep, research backs this).

The 3 Self-Awareness Shifts That Bring You Back to Yourself

1. Check In Instead of Checking Out

For years, “self-care” meant escaping, taking a break from my life.

But self-awareness is the opposite:
It’s asking, “How am I showing up in my life right now?”

One simple question changed everything:

“What do I need right now?”

Your first answer might be “to run away.”
Totally normal.
But ask again:

“What do I really need?”

Most days, the answer is simple:
• five minutes alone
• a quick walk
• a soda (I swear Diet Dr. Pepper is medicinal)
• three deep breaths

Checking in helps you respond instead of react and your teenage son gets a calmer mom.

2. Ask Yourself Better Questions

The better the question, the better the life.

Instead of:
“I hate this task,”
ask:  “What would make this easier or more fun?”

Case in point: cleaning bathrooms.
Five boys. Five.
Enough said.

When I finally asked, “Why am I cleaning this when I’m the only one who can’t pee on the walls?”  guess what?
The boys learned to clean their own bathroom.
They even improved their aim. Miracles.

Better questions lead to easier solutions.
And they move you out of survival mode into intentional living.

3. Own Your Own Joy

Hard truth, mom:
When we rely on our kids or spouse to make us happy… we’re doomed.

Not because they don’t love us.
But because it’s not their job.

And teenage boys?
You cannot hand them the keys to your joy.

Self-awareness brings your power back:
• What brings me joy today?
• What small moment can I create?
• How can I support myself?

Sometimes joy looks like making yourself an actual lunch instead of living off crackers and chocolate chips.

Joy isn’t dramatic.
It’s intentional.

3 Takeaways You Can Use Today

1. Ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”

You matter. Start acting like it.

2. Make one task easier

Delegate it, simplify it, or lower the bar.

3. Create one tiny joy each day

Not for your kids.
For you.

Remember, 

You’re an important member of your family.
Treat yourself that way.
Check in.
Ask what you need.
Give yourself the gift you’d give anyone else you love.

Want more conversations like this?

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