The Mother's Day Secret No One Talks About: Why Celebrations Go Sideways and Your #1 Strategy for Creating the Day You Actually Want
May 05, 2025
Motherhood doesn’t come with a Hallmark script—especially on holidays like Mother’s Day. If your day ever ends with a giant mess instead of flowers and breakfast in bed, you’re in the right place.
Today, I’m sharing my own “not-so-perfect” Mother’s Day story and three things I wish I could’ve told myself to help navigate those disappointing moments. Plus, a bonus tip that will actually help you create the day you want—without waiting for a miracle.
Whether you’re rocking motherhood or wondering if you’re even doing it right, this honest conversation is for you. Because those messy moments? They might just become your favorite family stories someday.
Why Mother’s Day (and Other Holidays) Can Feel So Tough
Mother’s Day often lands in one of two camps:
-
The “I’m crushing this!” camp: Your kids surprise you with sweet gestures, and you feel appreciated.
-
The “What did I do wrong?” camp: You’re left wondering if your son even sees you or if you’re failing as a mom.
Rarely do we sit somewhere in the middle, and that’s okay. This day can stir up a whirlwind of emotions—especially if:
-
Your relationship with your own mom or mother-in-law is complicated
-
You’re grieving the loss of your mom
-
You’re longing to be a mom and feeling left out
Mother’s Day is emotional territory for all of us, no matter where we are in our journey. So here’s my first message: You are seen. You are loved. And you’re doing better than you think.
My Mother’s Day That Didn’t Go as Planned (And What It Taught Me)
A few years ago, I had four boys ranging from newborn to almost 14. My husband was studying for a big exam, so he stayed home while I took the kids to celebrate my mom at the park.
The morning started great—breakfast in bed, sweet cards, church—and I thought, “This day is going to be perfect.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
While the kids played baseball, my 9-year-old pitched, and my 7-year-old was batting. They started teasing each other, and suddenly my 9-year-old punched his brother right in the eye. On Mother’s Day. In front of everyone.
Cue the rage.
I took those two boys home, handed them over to my husband, and said, “This is your problem now.”
But here’s the truth: motherhood is messy, and it’s not about perfect moments. It’s about what you do next.
How a Genius Consequence Turned a Mother’s Day Disaster into a Lesson
After the Mother’s Day baseball fight (yes, a full-on punch to the eye), my husband Brent came up with a consequence that stuck:
He moved my 7-year-old Easton into my 9-year-old Mitch’s room—and onto Mitch’s queen-sized bed—for an entire month. Roommates forced to get along until they figured it out.
Not thrilled? No. But it was effective.
When I drove those two boys home, anger was bubbling. I did two things that day that I want you to consider if you ever find yourself there:
-
I turned the anger on myself.
What kind of mom raises boys who throw punches? Am I failing? -
I convinced myself they’d always fight.
That they’d never be close or get along.
Both beliefs crushed me more than the fight itself.
What I’d Tell Myself—and What You Should Know
If I could go back to that chaotic day, here’s what I’d say to myself—and what you need to hear today:
1. Time Passes, and Things Change
This phase won’t last forever. Kids grow, learn, and so do we. Give yourself grace. That rough moment is just a chapter, not the whole story.
Funny thing—those two boys who fought like cats and dogs? Now best friends who have each other’s backs. The future isn’t written by a single bad day.
2. Normalize Disappointment and Feel It, Then Move On
Wanting a great Mother’s Day isn’t too much. It’s okay to be disappointed when it doesn’t happen. But don’t stew in it.
Boys are experts at bouncing back. After one night sharing a bed, my sons went from furious to giggling.
Emotions need to be felt to be healed. Brené Brown reminds us, “You can’t heal what you won’t feel.” Feel your disappointment, then choose to move forward.
3. You Are Doing Better Than You Think
Motherhood is weird: we judge ourselves on outcomes we can’t control—our kids’ behavior and choices.
But here’s the truth:
-
You show up every day and try again. That’s success.
-
You care deeply (hence all the emotional rollercoasters).
-
You’re learning, listening, and doing the work.
Bad moms don’t question if they’re good moms. You wonder because you care. That’s proof you’re doing great.
Bonus Tip: Be Clear About What You Want
Whether it’s Mother’s Day, a birthday, or any special occasion, don’t leave your loved ones guessing.
If breakfast in bed or a quiet morning means the world to you, say it loud and clear. No hinting, no silent wishing.
Expectations that are spoken have a much better chance of being met than those left unspoken.
Especially with a teenage son—sometimes I simply say, “All I want is a little note. Just a few words I can keep.” Easy, no cost, and meaningful.
Setting expectations clearly sets everyone up for success and spares disappointment.
Remember, Mom
Motherhood is messy and imperfect—and that’s okay. You’re growing alongside your boys, learning from every messy moment.
The brawl on that Mother’s Day? Now a favorite family story that brings laughter and connection.
If you want a community of moms who understand the chaos, the wins, and everything in between, come join my free private Facebook group for moms raising teenage boys.
If you need extra support, you can also schedule a free parenting strategy call with me. When you feel better, you show up better—and that helps everyone.
Want more conversations like this?
Join our private Facebook community for moms raising teenage boys. We talk about real-life challenges, share strategies, and lift each other up—because you don’t have to do this alone.
👉 Join “Raising Boys, Building Men” on Facebook
Additional Support:
Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE
Schedule a FREE Relationship Reconnection Call with Me HERE
Follow us on Instagram HERE
Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE
Related Episodes You Might Like:
Reframing Failure: The Critical Parenting Shift That Builds Resilient Teenage Sons
