There is an age-old debate about which is more important in family relationships, quality time or quantity time.  In researching for this blog post I found strong opinions with statistical evidence on both sides of the debate.  So, who is right and who is wrong?

It always fascinates me how our human brains want to find a right and wrong way for everything.  As if our intuition is irrelevant and we need the confirmation of other people (especially experts) to know what is best for our unique family.

I have a solution for you.....ask them.  Here are two ways that you can find out the answer to the quality/quantity debate for your unique family.

First, ask your family members these two questions:

1.  How do you know that I love you?

2.  What are your three favorite memories?

Your family's answers to these questions will tell you how they value your time spent together.  If their best memories are created in the unplanned moments or if they prefer scheduled experiences.

Ask yourself these same questions and see what you come up with.  Think back to your favorite memories.  Were they planned or did they happen because the opportunity arose from time spent in the unplanned moments?

Second, pay attention:

What do your spouse and kids do when they walk in the door after school or at the end of the day.  Do they find comfort and security in simply knowing that you are there?  Does your presence bring them a security they cannot get any other way?

My experience has taught me that the most impactful memories are created in the unplanned moments.  Those moments gathered around the kitchen talking about their day.  Those moments driving in the car singing at the top of your lungs.  Those times when a summer evening on the porch turns into a talk about hopes and dreams.  Those unplanned moments are what a quality life stems from.  

Create enough quantity time and the quality will find it's place.