How to Raise Kind Teenage Boys When the World Isn't
Aug 11, 2025
Yesterday, I walked through the halls of our local high school and my heart sank. Kids sitting alone with slumped shoulders, eyes down, AirPods in. The insecurity was thick in the air.
It got me thinking about a message I received from a mom just last week: "Heidi, my teenage boy is just really not very nice. He's not kind to his siblings or his friends. What do I do?"
If you've ever wondered the same thing or if you're desperately trying to protect your son's kindness in a world that doesn't always celebrate it, this post is for you.
Why Teaching Kindness to Teen Boys Matters More Than Ever
Let's be real. Our boys today face challenges we never did. Social media gives them endless opportunities to be unkind (or to receive unkindness). Online hate is everywhere. And somehow, kindness has gotten labeled as weakness.
But here's what I've learned after 30 years of having hundreds of boys come through my house: the most confident kids are also the kindest kids.
That's not a coincidence.
The Truth About Kindness and Confidence in Teenage Boys
Your teenage son is walking into school every day trying to figure out who he needs to be to survive emotionally. Too often, kindness isn't seen as "cool." It gets labeled as weak or boring.
I'm here to tell you that's completely wrong.
Kindness Actually Builds Confidence
When your son chooses kindness, he's building influence, loyalty, trust, and real friendships. People want to be around kind people. They also want to be around confident people.
The beautiful thing? When you build one, you build the other.
If your son struggles with confidence, teaching him to be more kind is one of the fastest ways to help him feel stronger and more capable.
3 Ways to Raise a Kind Teenage Son at Home
The good news? The fastest way to change your son's behavior is to adjust how you interact with him. Here's where to start:
- Watch How You Speak About Others in Front of Him
This one might sting a little.
Think about your conversations when your son is sitting at the kitchen table or listening from the family room. Are you critical of his teachers? Do you gossip about neighbors?
Your son is learning from every word.
If your conversations center around criticism and unkindness, he'll do the same thing. Why wouldn't he?
The fix: Model what it looks like to speak kindly and with dignity, even when you disagree with someone. Have those venting conversations with your partner or sister when your son isn't around.
- Celebrate Kindness Like You Celebrate Wins
Our kids are trained to notice popularity and status, especially on social media. But what we really want is for them to have eyes to see character, not just status.
Start pointing out kindness when you see it:
- "Did you see how that kid held the door for everyone? That was so nice."
- "I loved how you stood up for your friend today."
- "In that TV show, did you notice how he made an effort to include the other kid?"
Remember this: What you celebrate, he's going to chase.
If you're constantly celebrating criticism and drama, that's what he'll chase to get your attention. But if you celebrate kindness and civility, your son will start being more kind.
- Show Him That Kindness Is Actually Strength
The strongest people I know are kind. Help your son see this by pointing out heroes who are kind.
Let me share a story that shows this perfectly:
Four years ago, my youngest son Dawson was 13. We have a family tradition where we give each kid money to use for service during the holidays. When Christmas came, Dawson shared what he'd done with his money.
He'd been buying chips and candy bars from the school vending machines. Then he'd walk around at lunchtime, find kids sitting alone, and give them snacks while introducing himself.
When I asked how it felt, this tough 13-year-old got emotional. "It felt so good to help someone who was feeling down."
That experience taught him that kindness makes you feel strong and capable. He still does things like this today—with his own money he's earned mowing lawns.
Communication Strategy: What to Do When Your Son Isn't Being Kind
If your son is currently struggling with being unkind, don't panic. Real life happens. Nobody's perfect at this.
The key is keeping kindness top of mind. When it's on your radar, you'll find ways to show kindness, recognize kindness, and teach kindness.
Start Small
You don't need to have a big family meeting about kindness. Instead:
- Model it in your daily interactions
- Point it out when you see it
- Have casual conversations about why his heroes are kind people
Remember: Even If Others Are Unkind to Your Son
Teach him to be kind anyway. That kindness will build his confidence and give him the strength to set boundaries and stand up for himself.
Join Our Community of Moms Raising Good Men
If this conversation resonates with you, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook group. We have more conversations like this, and we help each other navigate the challenge of raising teenage boys with character.
We talk about what to do when someone's being unkind to your son, what to do when your son is the one being unkind, and how to build that crucial connection with your teenage boy.
Join our free Facebook group here →
We're all figuring this out together, and your perspective would add so much to our community.
Remember: You're Doing Better Than You Think
In a world that teaches your son to be loud and impressive, where influence is measured by clicks and likes, you are the one who can remind him that who he is matters more than what he does.
You do this by modeling. By having conversations. By pointing out kindness again and again.
He's watching, and what you're doing is working.
Popularity ends on yearbook day. But kindness? Kindness lasts a lifetime and makes the world a better place.
For Additional Support:
Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE
Schedule a FREE Relationship Reconnection Call with Me HERE
Follow us on Instagram HERE
Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE
Related Episodes You Might Like:
What to Do If Your Son Argues With Everything You Say (4 Science-Backed Solutions)
