How To Ask For Help As The Mom

Ah, the rollercoaster ride of motherhood! Each child brings a unique set of challenges, and, in my case, our fifth son made quite the entrance into the world, leaving me with a hospital room that resembled a post-Halloween explosion. Little did I know, this experience would teach me the art of asking for help and reveal the amazing support group that surrounds us.

The Halloween Baby Arrival: 

The day after Halloween marked the delivery of our fifth son. As my four older boys eagerly came to meet their new brother, the sugar rush from their Halloween candy transformed them into crazy little people. Imagine: a hospital room filled with laughter, constant motion, and four boys exploring everything in sight. It felt like they might dismantle the hospital room brick by brick.

Fast forward to the day we took our new bundle of joy home. Fresh from our oldest son's football game, my husband arrived with all four boys in tow. As the nurse wheeled me out to the minivan, she was met with a surprising sight – every seat was taken, Halloween candy wrappers and football cleats scattered everywhere. The nurse, noticing the all-boy crew, chuckled and said, "Are they all boys? Well, good luck to you." I cried the whole way home, overwhelmed by the reality of raising five boys.

The Cry for Help:

Back home, reality set in. Juggling five boys, mountains of laundry, constant meal preparations, and the need for snuggles - I was drowning. The realization struck hard – I needed help, but I had no idea how to ask for it or even what kind of help I needed.

I'd like to say that I became skilled at asking for help, but that's not entirely true. However, over the years, I've learned a lot about the importance of asking for help and developed some techniques to aid in the task.

3 Steps to Asking for Help:

  1. Separate the Facts from the Story: In the middle of the chaos, it's easy to get caught up in drama and self-judgment. Taking a step back to objectively view the situation and asking two critical questions has become a game-changer. First, "What are the facts of this situation?" Second, "What is the story I am creating about it?" Being honest with myself about what is really true has reduced the drama and helped me see solutions.
  2. Put Yourself in Your Best Friend's Shoes: If my best friend were in this situation, how would I help her? This perspective shift allowed me to recognize that I am worthy of help, and needing it doesn't mean I'm "not enough." It also helped me see the support I needed more clearly. Unfortunately, we're often kinder and more compassionate to others than we are to ourselves.
  3. Have the Courage to Ask: Asking for help requires vulnerability and courage. I had to overcome my pride and admit that I couldn't do it all. My husband had a demanding job, and logistically, I couldn't be everywhere at once. To my relief, people were eager to lend a helping hand, and as an added bonus, our boys developed stronger relationships with so many amazing people.

The Pride Paradox:

Reflecting on my resistance to asking for help, I've realized that my pride was most often the problem. Once I let go of the notion that I had to handle everything on my own, a network of support revealed itself. Friends, family, and even neighbors were more than willing to lend a hand.

Motherhood is an amazing teacher. Learning to ask for help was a game-changer for me and for my boys.  So, to all the moms out there juggling the beautiful chaos of motherhood, don't be afraid to ask for help – you might be surprised by the love and support that awaits.

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