Stop Trying to Parent the “Right” Way: Why You Already Know What to Do (Even if It Doesn’t Feel Like It)

Parenting trends are everywhere and they might be making you doubt yourself. Here’s how to ditch the noise, trust your gut, and raise your son with confidence.

Do you ever feel like parenting has become a never-ending guessing game?

One minute you’re told to be a gentle parent.
The next, a tough-love mom.
Then someone on Instagram tells you your kid needs more boundaries, less screen time, more freedom, fewer rules…

It's no wonder you're overwhelmed.

You’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong.

In fact, the real reason you feel like you're failing is because you’re looking outward instead of inward.
And today, we're going to fix that.

Why You’re Drowning in Parenting Advice (and Still Feel Like a Bad Mom)

Google “top parenting styles” and you’ll find a buffet of approaches:

• Elephant parenting

• Helicopter parenting

• Free-range parenting

• Gentle, authoritarian, concerted cultivation parenting (say that five times fast)

Then throw in your best friend's opinion, your mom's commentary, your sister’s experience and don’t forget the influencer with a perfect kitchen and a toddler who apparently does her own taxes.

Here’s what happens:

You try a strategy.
It doesn’t work.
You assume you are the problem.

Sound familiar?

Let me tell you what really happens when we outsource our confidence.

That One Time “Love and Logic” Backfired

When my oldest son was just starting junior high, I was desperate to get it right.

So I signed up for a parenting class. It was based on the Love and Logic method an approach I still love and recommend. But when I brought one of their strategies home, it completely tanked.

Here’s what they said to do:

If your child is misbehaving, say: “You’re draining me. If this continues, I’ll be too drained to do the dishes so you’ll need to do them.”

I loved this idea in theory. It made perfect sense in class.
So I tried it.

I looked at my boys who were mid-argument and said,
“You’re draining me.”

They blinked.

Looked at each other.

Then went right back to fighting.

That moment felt like a gut punch. The strategy worked in class, but not in my house. And I immediately assumed I was the problem.

But I wasn’t. And neither are you.

You Don’t Need a New Strategy. You Need to Make It Yours.

After trying (and failing) a few more times, I adjusted the script.

Instead of “You’re draining me,” I said:
“Your fighting is wearing me out. And if it continues, I’ll be too tired to drive you to practice.”

Boom.

They stopped at least for a little while.

Here’s the difference: I took the concept, adapted the language, and made it work for my family. And it made all the difference.

This is how you build confidence in your parenting not by copying the experts word-for-word, but by learning how to think like a mom who trusts herself.

Think of Parenting Advice Like a Salad Bar

Imagine this:

You and your sister walk into a restaurant. You both hit the salad bar. Same options. Same ingredients. But your plates look totally different.

You wouldn’t load your plate with every single topping just because it’s there. And you wouldn’t criticize her plate for being different.

Parenting is the same.

You can pick and choose the pieces that work. You can leave the rest.

There’s no gold medal for parenting exactly like someone else. But there is a major reward for parenting in a way that builds peace, trust, and connection with your son.

What to Do When You Feel Like a Failure

Let’s say your 14-year-old refuses to clean his room. You’ve tried:

• Reminders

• Yelling

• Bribery

• Calm conversations

• Maybe even Love and Logic (ahem)

And… nothing.

Now you’re sitting on the couch, feeling defeated. You start scrolling and comparing. Your thoughts spiral:

• “I’m a terrible mom.”

• “He’s a lazy kid.”

• “Nothing ever works.”

• “Other moms have this figured out.”

Pause right there.

This is where the shift happens.

When you notice yourself spiraling, stop and ask one simple question:
“What do I know?”

The Most Powerful Question You Can Ask Yourself as a Mom

This question shifts you from shame to strategy.

Instead of:
❌ “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Ask:
✅ “What do I know about him? About me? About this situation?”

You’ll start to access your own motherly wisdom. You’ll get curious instead of critical.

• What do I know about how he communicates?

• What do I know about why this room might be messy?

• What do I know about how I am showing up in this moment?

Suddenly, you’re not drowning. You’re leading.
And you’re parenting from connection, not confusion.

Try This Instead (It Changes Everything)

Let’s go back to the messy room example.

Instead of yelling or giving up, the conversation might now sound like:

“Hey buddy, I know your room needs to be cleaned. But I also want to understand—what’s going on? Why’s this been hard to get done?”

That opens the door to connection. And connection is what keeps the relationship strong through the teen years and beyond.

You don’t need a perfect script. You need presence, curiosity, and trust in your gut.

Homework for You, 

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

1. Catch yourself when you're thinking:

   • “I’m doing it wrong.”

   • “I’m the worst mom.”

   • “This kid never listens.”

   • “Someone else would do this better.”

2. Then pause and ask:

   What do I know?
   About me.
   About him.
   About the relationship I want.

3. Use that answer to guide your next step.

Because mama, you already know more than you think. You just need a second to access it.

Ready to Ditch the Doubt for Good?

If this post hit home for you, don’t parent alone.

👉 Join my free private Facebook group for moms of teenage boys—where we have honest conversations, share real strategies, and build each other up.
Click here to join now

And if you haven’t yet…
📥 Download my free “Connection Blueprint.” It gives you 8 practical, doable steps to build better connection today.
Grab your free copy here

Final Thoughts

You’re not broken.
Your son’s not broken.
The problem isn’t that you’re doing it wrong.

It’s that the noise is drowning out your own voice.

You don’t need a trend.

You need a strategy that works in your home—with your boy—because only you are his mom.

Trust yourself.
Trust your gut.
And keep going.

You’ve got this.

Additional Support:

Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE

Schedule a FREE Relationship Reconnection Call with Me HERE

Follow us on Instagram HERE

Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE

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